Ninja Terminator (1985)
This week, The B-Movie Boys enter genuinely uncharted territory with Ninja Terminator, Godfrey Fucking Ho’s gloriously strange collision of ninjas, crime syndicates, inexplicable plot threads, tiny robot couriers, and one extremely memorable Garfield phone. What starts as a seemingly straightforward quest for the Golden Ninja Warrior quickly becomes a cinematic game of “wait, who the hell is that?” as Jaguar Wong shows up, kicks approximately everyone's ass, and immediately becomes the most important person in the movie simply by being incredibly cool.
But the real fun begins when we start pulling apart how Ninja Terminator was actually made. We dig into Godfrey Ho’s cut-and-paste filmmaking machine, the bizarre economics of 1980s Hong Kong martial arts movies, Richard Harrison’s accidental starring role in approximately eleventy-billion ninja movies, and the strange little ecosystem of producers, pseudonyms, and unfinished films that made all of this possible. Add in a camouflage ninja suit that absolutely does not camouflage anything, nonstop martial-arts genital trauma, and an increasingly beloved Garfield phone, and you’ve got one hell of a conversation.
The Schlockometer is deployed. The plot is optional. Jaguar is mandatory.
Mentioned in this Episode:
The Uninvited Guest of the Star Fairy (1984)
RoboCop (1987)
Godzilla, King of the Monsters! (1956)
Cobra Versus Ninja (1987)
Diamond Ninja Force (1988)
Jim Davis
Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers)
Joey Tribbiani from Friends
Dolly Parton
Hwang Jang-lee
Bruce Lee
Walton Goggins
Richard Harrison
Jeff Foxworthy
Donald J. Trump
Bass Pro Shops
Garfield
Power Rangers
Futurama
The Shrine of the Silver Monkey from Legends of the Hidden Temple
Indiana Jones
Willy Wonka
The Devil in the White City
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